Maxwell - 4th Birthday

My Gorgeous Max,

Today you turn 4. I can still remember waking that morning and thinking, I'm going to have a baby today. Before tomorrow comes I will be holding our baby. It was thrilling and scary at the same time. Your Daddy took pictures of me that morning. Wearing my doggie flannels and my great big belly. I loved being pregnant with you. It was a magical time.

It snowed the morning of March 18, 2004. We woke up and everything was covered in white. It felt like a perfect day for you to be born. It was a rather quiet and relaxing way to have a baby, water breaks, no contractions, wait to see if anything will happen, still nothing, head to the hospital, wait for a room, get put on pitocin drip and wait, wait, wait. When you decided you'd had enough and it was time to get outta there, you let it be known.

I was thrown into heavy contractions quickly and was quickly rethinking natural childbirth. Your Daddy was amazing and never left my side for a minute. He kept telling me I could do it and was a great coach. However there was no time for any medications to help with the pain. A little bit of gas and I was told you were ready to be born. At 8:12pm you were born and your Daddy through his tears said "it's a boy". You were placed on my chest and all I could do was cry and look at you. It was a defining moment of my life and I will remember every detail forever.

It's been 4 years since that day. My little tiny baby boy is a gorgeous preschooler, with the biggest blue eyes, a smile that could light up a city and hair that goes white blonde in the summer. You love playing sports of any kind and are I am told, a "natural athlete", apparently just like your Papa. You are an incredible runner, have such a natural stride and don't stop. I like to think that maybe your love of running comes from me. I don't have much athletic talent in me but I have always loved to run.

You have a kind heart and are a sensitive soul. You love babies and most of all your sister. I am so proud of how much love Audrey and have the minute you first saw her. You have never said one word of jelousy or shown aggression towards her. You welcomed her into our family at your age of two and a half and have loved her and protected her as only a big brother can. This means more to me than you may ever know. I can only pray that you and your sister remain as close as you are today.

This year you over came and conquered many things. You said good-bye to soothie (that was a tough one), got potty trained and said good bye to pull-ups (even at night!), took your first soccer class (loved the running part), went up a level in swimming lessons, excelled in gymnastics (great on the balance beam and trampoline), tried powerskating, got your first hockey equipment and took a few classes, went back to Edna Thomson and moved up to the Stars program upstairs and recently moved downstairs to the Eagles preschool program (you loved going with the big kids). So many changes little man, and more to come. We have registered you for Kindergarden and in September will be starting JK at John M James Public School. I know you are excited to start school and I am excited for you.

You are an incredible person Max. I am so proud to be your Mommy.
I love you Maxy.

Lots of Love,
Mommy xo

Audrey - 18 Months

My beautiful baby girl,

This week you turned 18 months. A year and a half since you entered this world and made mine complete. I cannot imagine life without you in it. I've been thinking how just a year ago you were this tiny happy little girl with the puffy prednisone face who everyone fell in love with the minute they saw you. Somethings thankfully have changed, we no longer have to give you 9mls of steriods every day, your hemangioma is so much better, most people don't even know it's there. And somethings have not changed, you are still a tiny happy little girl and everyone is in love with Audrey!

The last few days you have had a bad flu which has slowed you down considerably. You haven't been climbing on tables, chairs, desks, stereos quite as much. Monday I took the day off to spend with you as we were up all through the night with you throwing up. As sad as it was to see you sick I have to admit I loved spending your 18 month birthday cuddled up with you on the couch. You are such a busy little thing these days that it was nice to have some quiet time just you and I. I love getting you ready for bed at night, giving you a bath, putting baby lotion on and your jammies. Getting your bottle ready and sitting in the glider in the dark feeding it to you and rocking you to sleep. By far a highlight of my day.

I just popped in at daycare to check on you to see how you're feeling. Overprotective Mom? Yes I am! You were sitting in the little chair eating soup and looking quite proud of yourself with veggie soup and crackers spilling down your chin. I am amazed at how you almost instantly adapted to going to daycare. You thive there. No tears or clinging to Mommy for you little girl. Nope, a kiss and a hug and off you go to play. A wave and you're ready for me to go. Have to admit quite a change from your big brother!

You are starting to have more words. Mama is now Mommy (so cute), Maxy, Daddy, at daycare you apparently have said bubbles, ball and Grandma said yesterday you said apple. You're still a girl who gets her point across through pointing and nodding, shaking your head no or simply throwing what you don't want away (usually food and always to Sydney). We have been working on animal sounds also - you have done a bark for Syd for a while, and you do elephant (with the trunk motion too), kitty and anything that growls (tiger, lion). I love watching you learn.

Audrey, you are our beautiful little sparkle in our family.
I love you bunny.

Mommy

Things to Do Before I Turn 33

1. Play Max's new game with him.



2. Take kids sledding.



3. Get digital pics printed.



4. Plant a vegtable garden.



5. Fly a kite.



6. Finish watching Season 3 of the OC.



7. Collect more Audrey movies.



8. Lose 5 lbs.



9. Do yoga regularly.



10. Take the kids and Syd on a hike.



11. Go to the zoo.



12. Go shopping at the outlets.



13. Start running again

Catch Up

I haven't been on here in a long time. I should have been writing but life has been pretty busy. Bad excuse. Somehow always find time to read senseless websites but can't update my own. I've had to set my scrapbooking aside for now so I really need to document the fun things we do and the cute things the kids say so I don't forget when I do get back to scrapbooking.

In two weeks I'll be in my second semester of four, for my Master's of Education at Medaille. This is truly a dream come true for me. Hard to believe a year ago I happened to see a small ad in the Toronto Star advertising Medaille's Masters in Education program for Canadian students. This is not news to me as Leslie and Kelly both went there. But what caught my eye was that there was a weekend program offered. Teaching is something I'd thought about for a few years but didn't think it was possible with my grades and the cost factor.

So here I am, on maternity leave and a small spark of my dream coming true ignited. Steve and I went to an information session and learned about the every other weekend format. I was so excited about it, but knew if it were what I was supposed to do the paths would open up to allow me to go. There were lots of factors to consider with the biggest being Steve was still working in Edmonton and travelling out there every other week for a week or two stretches. Life was already full and at times difficult. I just prayed that if this was the way to go, then it would be.

After clearing issues of finances, completing volunteer teaching, I finally got accepted and man, did I have a good old cry. Max said "Daddy, why is Mommy crying - I thought she was happy". The path began to clear. Steve made the difficult but obvious decision to leave Tirecraft at the end of December. We are blessed to have amazing families who are always willing to help us with the kids. Kelly and Dave offered for me to stay at their house on Friday nights so it would shorten the early Saturday morning drive to Williamsville. I met another student Leila to carpool with and share a hotel room. It was really happening, I was on my way to becoming a teacher.

I have my first semester behind me now - it was a demanding one. 4 courses and lots of creative, time consuming work. In two weeks I begin classes again with only 3 courses but have to take a math requirement course. This is from Fresno Pacific University in California (I'm a Cali student!) but it's online and I don't think should be too bad. Still working at LHC, part time and the kids both go to Edna Thomson Child Care. They love it there and I'm so happy to have them together at one place. It's comforting. Steve started a new job a month ago at Messier-Dowty in Ajax. It's close, pays well and has great hours - off on Fri's at 1:00! It is a big adjustment for him but I know amazing things are coming for him in the future and his dreams will also be fulfilled.

I am feeling very blessed and contented. I have much to be grateful for, and I am.

Audrey - 5 Months

My dearest Audrey,

Today (12:45am) as I sat in the glider feeding you your middle of the night bottle, I looked at your gorgeous little face and thought about what a beautiful impact you have had on my life in just 5 months. Five months does not seem like a long time when I think about how much you have been through in your life already and that I feel like you have always been a part of my life. (maybe you have always been a part of me, like a dream come true)

Although your entrance to the world was a scheduled one (C-Section Sunday September 3, 2006 8:ooam Markham Stoufville Hospital) nothing about your life since has been predictable (except for the too many to count Dr's appointments) A few minutes before you were born I told your Daddy that you were a boy. I was certain that you were. Now I think I was trying to not set myself up for disappointment should you not have been the beautiful little baby girl I had always dreamed of. When they pulled your tiny breech body from mine and your Daddy told me you were a girl I cried shocked tears of joy. I was certain that you were a boy. I felt so elated to have my baby girl. I felt complete.

Your first night was a restless one with you crying most of the night. The next morning we would find out why. You were taken into the special care nursery (the same little bed your brother was in) with an infection. We would later find out this was early onset of a strep B infection. You spent 6 days in special care under the watch of some wonderful nurses. Claire who was Max's nurse was also one of yours. There were many parallels between yours and brothers first few days. You were finally released on Saturday and we brought you home to a very excited big brother anticipating your arrival. He had flowers and a cake and the biggest smile on his face when he finally got to hold his baby sister for the first time. A moment forever in my memory.

Audrey, you fit right in a home and we found our groove as a new family of four. Daddy was making frequent trips to Edmonton for work but when you were only 6 weeks old, a trip was the worst timed ever. Grammie was visiting to help me with you and your brother. I went in to check on you in the middle of the night and you were so hot to the touch I actually had to pull my hand back. I grabbed the thermometer and your temperature spiked at degrees. I called telehealth and they told me to take you to the ER right away. I called and woke up Uncle Chris and asked him to come stay with Max.

Grammie and I rushed you over to Bowmanville and we were the only ones there. We were taken in instantly and I could tell by the nurses reaction that this wasn't something simple. Dr. , a soft spoken gentle woman said that they were going to take blood and she had called Oshawa and we needed to take you there right away. The next few hours were a blur of being admitted, blood work, chest x-rays and IV lines. You even endured a spinal tap which is more than anyone should have to go through. I could not reach Daddy in Edmonton for several hours as his cell phone was off. Needless to say he never had it shut off agin. We would later find out from our favourite doctor ever, Dr. Sean Godfrey that you had a late onset Strep B infection. The only reason you are here today is because of the quick action that was taken by the wonderful Dr's and nurses at Lakeridge Health. God bless them!

You and I spent 11 days in that small room in paediatrics in Oshawa. I left you only a handfull of times for a quick hour to go and take a shower, and this was only done under protest. I have never been so scared, you were so little and yet so strong and brave. I believe what you fought through those couple of weeks will play a role in who you are the rest of your life. My sweet angel you are a fighter and this will serve you well in life.

Since December you have been fighting another ailment - a hemangioma on your right eyelid. You have been on large doses (9 ml's) of prednisone to try and shrink it so it doesn't not impair your vision. We have been in a out of sick kids every few weeks and you have had an MRI which you were sedated for to give Dr. Pope (dermatology) and Dr. (opthamology) a clearer picture of the growth. Your cute puffy face has won many hearts. Again you are a fighter and I am amazed at your strength. The hemangioma is beginning to shrink and there is at this point no indicators to show any vision effects.

You are a little ray of sunshine in our family. I can't even remember life without you in it. You are a miracle and gift straight from God.

Happy 5 month birthday Bunny!

Mommy loves you.

"Max"isms

Grammie "Max I have a secret - I Love You!"
Max "Grammie I have a secret too - I love Candy!"

Uncle Chris is dancing around holding Audrey. Max says "Uncle Chris, be careful! She's just a baby!"

Max going out to play hockey in the snow with Papa. He says to Pappy - "Pappy hockey players are rich!"

Max, mad at Mommy for not letting him wake up at 5:00 am for snacks and Treehouse said "Mommy I have one question for you. Why do you always say no to me?"

Both Audrey and Max in Mommy's bed and Max said "Am I allowed to hold Audrey's hand?"

Playing eyespy in the car, I said "I spy with my little eye something that is silver" and Max said "Daddy's hair?"

Busy Fun Weekend

I need a nap. I seriously could put my head down on my desk right now and go to sleep.

We did so much this weekend but we had a lot of fun too. Friday night we stayed in and watched a movie. Saturday we did a couple of errands, let Max have a nap and went to the Jays game. Steve got tickets from work for the 200 club level (nicer, comfier seats) so we decided to take Max to his first ball game. It was a killer hot day out (38 degrees) and our seats were in the direct sun. Max was loving it though. He sang "Oh Canada", cheered home runs, ate pizza, licorice and lots of drinks, learned to say "swing batter-batter-batter-batter", and Daddy bought him a Jays baseball. It was a crazy long game (we left at the end of the 13th inning and they won it in the bottom of the 14th) and I can honestly say I have never sweat so much in my entire life, but it was a lot of fun.

Yesterday we had the Tirecraft picnic at Cedar Park. Steve and Bernie ran the entire thing and did a great job. Max had a blast playing with the kids, swimming (well splashing in the kids area), drinking lots of juice boxes and running in the running race (he's still talking about this). It was a fun, long day. It was kind of strange thinking that this will likely be the last picnic we'll be going to. Not sure who will run it from now on since Steve's been doing it the past couple of years but that's not for us to worry about.

Funny story - when we got home Steve was reading the "This Week" paper, of course the sports section. I flipped the page to the classifieds and there was a big ad for Manager of Accounting for the new Oshawa Civic owned by Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment. We both laughed. He said "why is this in here right now?" Meaning, why when we have made the decision to move to SP, told everyone we know and yet have no absolute commitment to going (nothing signed, no money down on the house yet). After some consideration I think he will put his resume in but not having any expectations (we don't think the position will pay what we would want). Life is interesting, sometimes timing is everything.

31 Weeks

I'm 31 weeks pregnant today. 9 weeks to go (if I go full-term). It's starting to feel very real that soon there will be a new little person in our lives. I've been reading books to Max about getting a new baby and all the exciting things he will get to teach his new brother or sister. He's convinced that it's a sister and has been since the day we found out we were expecting. I'm really excited about giving Max a sibling to grow up with. He'll be such a great big brother.

We went to Scarlett's first birthday party on Saturday and there was a 7 day old baby there. He just stood beside the mom watching it and asking if he could kiss it. He is really facinated with babies and just wants to love them. It warms my heart thinking that he really is going to be ok with a new baby. But there is another part of me that is selfish about it just being Max and I during the day.

I love our afternoons together. I go into the toddler room at daycare, and as soon as he sees me his face lights up and he runs and gives me a huge hug (really the highlight of my day). Then we drive home and I ask him about his morning and what exciting things he's done. I make my lunch and we watch treehouse together for half an hour. Then I tell him it's nap time and he takes my hand and we go off to his bed. We read a story and have a nap. Occasionally I'll fall asleep with him and other times I'll watch him drift off and then go and try and acomplish something around the house. He sleeps anywhere from 1.5 hours to 3 hours. Sometimes I'll stand at his bedroom door waiting for him to wake up because I want to spend time with him. We'll have a snack and then go outside and play, or do some errands or just cuddle up on the couch and read and watch tv. I truly cherish this time I have with him.

So this is me being the sentimental person I am. I truly had no idea before I became a mom how encompasing it becomes. How your heart is filled with so much love for your child you think it might burst. I know I have lots of love to share with this new little person growing inside of me, it's just hard to imagine it right now.

The cutest boy in the world

Happy Birthday Canada

My long weekend is almost over but it was a good one. Nothing really terribly exciting happened I guess that's why I think it was so great. We have been pretty busy lately so it was nice to slow down a bit. Friday (Max and my holiday) we took Mom's camera to be fixed, (long story for another time there) bought birthday gifts for Papa and Scarlett and went to Little Feet to play. We met Daddy for lunch and then napped and played outside all afternoon.

Saturday we cleaned up the yard and the garage. Max went to Pappy and Papa's, went and saw T's lacrosse game and had a sleepover. Steve and I got to have a date! That's right, dinner and a movie just the two of us. We went to Mongolian Grill which which I had been wanting to go to. Very yummy. We saw Superman Returns, which was nostelgic and fun. It was great to go out just us!

This morning we went to T's game and got Max back. I missed him, love getting the big hugs and kisses. We filled a big pool in the backyard and had a bbq lunch outside. Max and I had long afternoon naps while Steve had a little nap and worked on building the fence gate.

Reason #5068583094 why I love this man....
he built the fence gate. I no longer have to chase Max and Sydney out into the front yard (and ocasionally down the street).

After the gate was finished we pulled up chairs to the pool and soaked our feet while Max and Sydney played in the water. A great end to our quiet, relaxing long weekend. Steve has tomorrow off but I think he's still going to go in and get some work done. I was thinking I could go in the afternoon and help him clean up his office but we don't have any takers on watching Max so I don't think it's going to happen.

Happy 139th Birthday Canada.

Pre-Long Weekend Ramblings

It's Thursday but it's my Friday today as we're taking tomorrow for Canada Day instead of Monday. Everyone else is taking Monday but for some retarded reason LHC has decided to take tomorrow. Max's daycare is taking tomorrow too. Stupid.

I'm taking my job here pretty seriously these days. hahaha! I have 40 more days here and then I am so donezo. I mean not even for just my beautiful year long mat leave but FOREVER. There isn't an ounce of me that feels any remorse for pulling this stunt so I can keep my 6 months of top up. I really feel like that I deserved it but Tracy (the only one here who knows we're moving to Edmonton) said that if management found out they would likely terminate me and then I wouldn't be entitled to it. So I'm just keeping my mouth shut on the subject and nod politely when RKF brings up "when you return". Whoohoohahaha (evil laugh) I just pray that none of the hundreds of people that do know we're leaving trickle this down to anyone here. Nah, won't happen.

Steve is back from his week long (basically) time away. He was away golfing with his hockey team in Grand Bend and then went to Edmonton for meetings. I didn't mind either of these trips as he really needed to get away and have some fun (work is pretty stressful) and while in Edmonton he went to the sales office for our new house and met with Stephen our sales dude. He got a site map of our lot and it looks really good. The new house is on a street just like ours now. It faces North but is closer to the main street. There's going to be a big park around the corner with a huge pond in it, Steve says for Syd to swim in. He said this morning that they are already renovating the new office for Tirecraft and TGI and it's being completely redone, inside and out. He's really excited about how different the people are that he'll be working with out there.

I know now more than ever that we have DEFINITELY made the right decision about moving to SP. I'm getting excited about it even though it is still a year away. Steve and I are both people who love change. We get excited when we move furniture around (ok, maybe that's just me). We have always done "the right thing" the predictable thing. I think we need an adventure, shake things up a bit. I always knew, but lately it has become increasing evident, that some people around us had mapped out the rest of our lives for us. These are the people who aren't dealing (at all) with us leaving. And actually I'm not surprised at who they are. But it pisses me off just the same that these are the people that we always are there for and support and yet now that we could really use some of that in return, they have decided to be the selfish, self-centred, immature people they are. Wow, that felt good to say. I don't have a need for people like that in my life.

Reason #4174983 why I love this man......
Steve handed me a bag this morning from an airport store. There was a little navy t-shirt with a moose and "Edmonton" embroidered on it and a little baby white t that matched. I pushed back the lump in my throat and said how sweet he was.

Here are some recent Max moments...

While waiting for sesamestreet.com to come up the hourglass icon was on the screen. Max excitedly said "Mommy, look! Stanley Cup! (that's our hockey boy)

Sitting on the couch watching tv Max was leaned up beside me. The baby kicked and Max felt it on his side. He said "Mommy, you poke me!" I told him I didn't that it was his baby brother or sister. He said "baby poke me?" I told him yes because they heard his voice and they know that he's their big brother and they love him. "Baby love me?" Yes I told him, they love you already. He smiled and looked up and me and said "my baby love me". (me holding back tears)

A bird built a nest in our hanging basket on our front porch. Max and I were about to water the flowers one day and before I poured the water in I saw a perfect little nest in the middle and 4 little eggs in it. The mommy bird was up on the neighbour's roof squawking away at me for touching her babies. I explained to Max was it was and that the Mommy was protecting her babies like I protect him. So needless to say the birdies and the Mommy and Daddy birdies have become part of our daily lives. Max asks us to pick him up so he can see them every day. We have watched the baby birdies hatch and grow. We've watched the Daddy birdie stand by and protect the nest too. I've had to let the beautiful flowers die at the birdies expense but it has been worth it to let Max experience this gift of nature. We had a big rain storm the other night and it was quite windy out. When leaving for daycare/work the next morning we found the hanging basket with nest intact on the grass. But no birdies to be found (thank god!) don't know if I could have dealt with that with Max right now. We hung the basket back up to see if they would come home. After a couple of days with no sign of the birdies I explained to Max that the birdie family had outgrown that nest and they needed to make a new one somewhere else. He thought about it for a bit and said "like our new house Mommy?". Yes Max just like that. (God I love this child)

Mommy Sick

It's Monday, but I don't really feel like I had much of a weekend. I had the flu. Not fun.

I was taking Max to Taylor's hockey game on Sunday and started to feel kinda weird on the way there. I was thinking it was just Bunny not liking what I ate for lunch. I parked the car at Courtice South Arena, opened the door and instantly threw up all over the parking lot. Not my most shining moment. Max is in the backseat saying "Mommy sick, Mommy sick!" So I called Les and she came out and got him so I could go home. This is the type of thing that when it comes up it makes me wonder what I'll do if we move to Edmonton, no family to help out in a pinch. Anyways I digress...

So I spent the afternoon curled up in bed. Steve got home from Guelph (lacrosse coaching clinics) and looked after Max. Even though Max kept running in and saying "Mommy wake up, Mommy sick". It's nice to know that you're needed and loved but I really just wanted to be alone.

Sunday woke up feeling better and went to the Shed to work for a bit. New session started and we don't have much enrollment so I was trying to figure out what would run and what wasn't. I can honestly say if we move to Edmonton that I don't think I will miss this job much. See ya Ice Shed, bye bye bossy emails from Leslie, who I'm not sure what she does with her days of not working and having an independent child. Again I digress...

It's Easter this week and I'm really looking forward to it. Once I grew up and the Easter Bunny didn't really visit anymore, Easter lost some meaning for me. Outside of having a family dinner with yucky ham (bleh!). But being with Steve for 11 years (!) Easter has a much more traditional and spiritual meaning to me. Like he said yesterday Good Friday has always been an important day to him.

This year will be special because we get to introduce the 2 sides of Easter to Max. We were walking into daycare last week and they put a door cover up with the Easter Bunny on it. Max looked at it and said "Bunny Mommy?" It never occured to me that he had no idea who the Easter Bunny was. I told him that it was a part of Easter that the Easter Bunny comes to good boys and girl's houses and brings treats. He said "Bunny bring treats?"

Two Roads

I was reading my Creating Keepsakes magazine and Ali one of the regular contributers had an awesome layout with a long journaling taken from her weblog. I'm not sure why this hadn't occured to me sooner but I jumped up and registered here on blogger. I have journaled since I was a little girl but writing can be time consuming and this just seems like an easy way to record my thoughts and happenings. (and there is alot of both of these right now)

I'm kind of excited about keeping this. I'm someone who is afraid of forgetting the little things, I think that's why I take so many pictures. I want to capture memories and keep them close to my heart. Max is doing so many funny things everyday that I just don't want to forget them. I guess I'll be writing alot about that.

We are in the midst of a life changing decision. To go west or not to go west, that my friend is THE question. The poem I had to memorize in Grade 8 "Two Roads" keeps running through my head. To take one road leads you down one path in life and the other another. I have always tried to live the philosophy "don't die wondering". So this makes this that much more difficult to say no, lets not do this. More (definately more) to come on this...



The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.